On Wednesdays, I like to blog about something that comes under the umbrella of "hope". Today, I am not feeling that hope. In fact, I'm the one in need of hope.
Normally, I don't show the world my more pessimistic side. I would not classify myself as a pessimist, however, there are certain aspects of my life that I tend to view in a more hopeless light. My health is one of those areas.
If you've known me for very long, you know I suffer from several ailments--diabetes, asthma, high blood pressure, and severe allergies. Most of the time, all of these (except the allergies) are managed quite well and I don't have many side effects.
Lately, though, my health has been out of control. My blood sugars are insane (even after the doc switched my meds), I've been having several asthma attacks a week, and though I have no proof, the shiny little spider-web thingies I see ever now and then tells me my blood pressure probably isn't doing all that great either.
And I'm discouraged.
I know that part of the problem (maybe most of it) lies in my diet and exercise (read: not following my diet, and the exercise I get is cleaning the house). Doc said I needed to lose the rest of my baby weight and that would help a lot.
This is my dilemma. I WANT to lose weight. I WANT to change my diet and start exercising more. I WANT to be healthy. I even go so far as to plan stuff out so that these things are included. I started planning my meals for the week so that I would buy the right groceries and always know what I was making so I wouldn't be tempted to go out to eat or make something less-than-healthy for me.
But then I always fail. Always.
I've even tried praying that God would imbue me with the continuing motivation to do this.
Then the morning comes and my blood sugar is insanely high (this morning, my fasting was 183 and it's supposed to be under 100) or my allergies are at their peak--and I just don't do it. I'll be too tired to exercise. I'll be too tired to make that salad for lunch. You can see the downward spiral.
I don't know what to do, so I'm coming to you all for help. I need prayer, lots of prayer. I need to turn my life around. I have the know-how, just not the energy/continuing motivation.
Enough about me. I think sometimes I can be too self-focused. What about you? Is there anything you are struggling with that you would like me to pray for?